The good life

My past few days were beset with copious amounts of stress since I had to struggle to finish two big papers which were due a day apart from each other. But by the sheer grace of God (and my wicked cramming skills), I'm happy to announce that I've already handed in both essays.

For some reason, I've been feeling relatively peaceful and calm as of late. For a minute there I was actually tempted to say 'happy'; I wish to qualify however that in my present circumstances I am neither absolutely unhappy nor supremely happy, but suffice it to say that a strange feeling of contentment has taken over me.

Up till now I still can't quite put my finger on what precipitated the sudden change of emotional state. One of my theories is that it's probably because I was given a good number of hugs the past weekend by old friends whom I haven't seen in quite a while. I also had the chance to have lengthy conversations with a couple of people with whom I share similar interests at our housewarming party a few days back. Plenty of tactile contact and good conversations do indeed help a forlorn soul. A lot.

In addition, realising that I have been the recipient of heaps of blessings significantly altered my formerly bleak view of the world. I just had to remind myself that I actually have it good down here. The scores of suffering people in Darfur and Burma, my brother's friend whose dad had his mom killed, the quadriplegic in Spain who was lobbying for 30 years for an assisted suicide, the Russian girl who was trafficked to Sweden to be sexually exploited...just thinking about the lives of these characters that I've come across recently from reality and celluloid made me reconsider my personal definition of misery. There's some element of schadenfreude in there, I know, but only to the extent that their stories reinforced the fact that I certainly do not have a monopoly of the world's sadness. It also compelled me somehow to get out of self-pity mode pronto because (though it took aeons for me to realise this) I am one big friggin' lucksack. Even if half the time I find myself so utterly fugly, poor, stupid and generally inadequate, without a doubt I am still better off than more than half the world's population. And yeah, I think I'm also getting too old to whine and rant all the time. I figure it's about time I channel my energies to more positive endeavours.

The loneliness bit isn't so bad anymore. I remember someone said before that being literally by yourself most of the time shouldn't be a bad thing at all, because once in a while you ought to make it a point to hear yourself think. Having been my own best mate and worst enemy the past few months has been an insanely mad, chaotic yet enriching experience thus far. And I guess I would have to reluctantly admit this, but I believe I have considerably grown, changed and evolved since I got here.

I feel no shortage of regret however that some friends from the past are, well...gone. Wherever you people are, please just know that it was nice knowing you and that I wish you well. And for those that I have yet to meet (in non-contrived situations, I hope), I am completely thrilled by the prospect of meeting you.

Hope this newfound wellspring of serenity/pseudo-happiness doesn't dry up soon. If it does, I implore my good friends reading this to give me a good whack on the head.

We have it good, people. Well, yeah there are the requisite rough patches here and there but on the whole we have heaps of reasons to be sublimely thankful. Please tell me that I'm right.